Lately I feel like I am on a see-saw with Faith and Hope sitting on one end, and Discouragement and Dispair trying to tip the balance on the other end. There's a fine line between being realistic and hopeful, and realistic and discouraged. My faith is non-negotiable. I so appreciate friends and acquaintances that offer words of support. And many of you know just what to say to help lift my burden and ease my mind. But may I suggest that the following are simply not helpful:
1. Telling me in great detail about all those you know that have died of cancer and how you hate it and how unfair it is. I agree, but I don't want to dwell on it.
2. Telling me that the trial of losing your spouse would just be too painful for you to go through. I promise you, it will be just as painful for me if it happens.
3. Telling me that the Lord only gives you what you can handle. I recognize that our trials are given to us as an opportunity to grow on an individual level. I sincerely accept this and already can list many valuable things I have learned and will continue to learn. I pray that someday I can perhaps offer assistance to another in a similar situation and that my compassion will continue to grow. But I disagree that our response to our trials somehow dictates what ones are chosen for us, and this statement seems to me to imply that. The Lord choses the trials, we choose our response, and the conversation in prayer between human and diety is private and sacred.
Here's what IS helpful to me:
1. A text or post that you are thinking about us
2. A hug!
3. Tell me about you and the good things going on your life! Invite me to celebrate with you. I don't want to wallow in me - I want to focus on something other than our family situation.
4. A diet pepsi (or coke)...did I really need to post this? I am so easy to please.
5. Let me talk if I need to, or simply sit by you to draw from your strength. I don't know how I am feeling at any given moment, so the same question can elicit a coherent response from me or simply tears. I hate that I don't have a lot of control over my emotion at this time, but it's just the truth. I have been counseled this will go away in time.
I love you all. Please understand that I want and need all of your love and support. I read that often others do not approach someone dealing with a burden (or grief) simply because they are afraid to say the wrong thing. It's OK- it's way better than being ignored or avoided! And even those comments that have prompted this post were made by those who have only the very best of intentions. And I know that. And I quickly forgive, and I hope and plead that you will forgive my shortcomings. I just wanted to post what DOES help me. I hope it is received well and accepted in the spirit in which it was intended.
XOXOXOXOO, Michelle & the Hadder Family
3 comments:
I loved this post! I know I often need a reminder of how to say the right thing and that sometimes a hug or a smile means more than anything else! I love that your perspective on life and trials also. Thanks!
I don't have any words to make anyone feel better and I know exactly how you feel. I hope and pray that things continue to get better. I know people just don't know what to say in these kind of situations and sometimes that's just what I have to accept. You are so good to let people know what you need to hear. Know that you are in my prayers and I'm here if you ever need anything that I can help you with.
Your crack me up! But, that why I love you! I'll always bring you a DIET PEPSI!!!!
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